Conflict or Dedication…? (संघर्ष या समर्पण…?)

Today I think, dedication has won between conflict and dedication. But the force of dedication was given by the conflict. So the conflict was won even after losing. And the credit of the victory of dedication even goes to conflict. Sometimes I think, why this war of conflict and dedication, and how long, while they are aspects of the same coin? Both cannot be put even together and the two cannot be separated even completely. Yet I’m still could not decide that whose side I should keep myself? Oftentimes I tire of this war and then come across a situation. It seems I have to put the two together until the last iteration.

A moment I fear that dedication should not prove an illusion and a moment I think that conflict should not deceive and should not take on the other side in its flow. And then find myself alone. I have to run away from the battle ground like cowards ignoring this situation frequently. Perhaps the final decision is not in my hands, it is in the hands of time. And every time I look forward to the time.

Conflict is an intense flow while dedication is a slow attraction. When the flow of conflict is reduced and comes in a position to stop, the dedication seems to attract. And in intense flow of conflict dedication seems bondage.

Mind is very flickering. When it is in bondage then attempts to be free and when it is free then tries to tie it somewhere.

-15 Oct 2000

The situation of impassibility can be of two types-

One, the mind becomes frigid to all sides.

Second, when the mind is attracted equally to all sides.

-16 Oct 2000

The mind is the mother and father circumstances, and thoughts are born with their intercourse. The size and sort of the thoughts are affected by the two.

-28 Oct 2000

Abdominal thirst (appetite), thirst for lust (sexual appetite) and thirst for knowledge, all the three move in a cycle. When the stomach thirst banishes, thirst of lust starts to deviate. When the two are cool, thirst for knowledge seems to be distracted.

-30 Oct 2000

There are two surefire weapons a woman have-

One, her beauty.

and second, her tears.

-31 Dec 2000

संघर्ष या समर्पण…?
आज मुझे लगता है कि संघर्ष और समर्पण में समर्पण जीत ही गया लेकिन समर्पण को बल तो संघर्ष से ही मिला इसलिए संघर्ष हारकर भी जीत गया और समर्पण की जीत का वास्तविक श्रेय भी संघर्ष को ही जाता है। कभी-कभी सोचता हूँ कि संघर्ष और समर्पण का ये युद्ध ही क्यों? और आखिर कब तक? जबकि दोनों एक ही सिक्के के दो पहलू हैं। दोनों को एक साथ भी नहीं रखा जा सकता और दोनों को पूरी तरह अलग भी नहीं किया जा सकता, फिर भी आज तक मैं यह निश्चय नहीं कर पाया हूँ कि मुझे खुद को किसके पक्ष में रखना चाहिए और इस युद्ध से थक- हारकर फिर पुरानी स्थिति में आ जाता हूँ और लगता है कि आखिरी तक मुझे दोनों को साथ रखकर ही चलना पड़ेगा।
एक क्षण तो लगता है कि समर्पण भ्रम न सिद्ध हो जाए और एक क्षण लगता है कि संघर्ष धोखा न दे जाए और अपने प्रवाह में दूसरी तरफ न बहा ले जाए और फिर अपने आप को एकाकी पाता हूँ। बार-बार इस स्थिति को टालकर कायरों की भांति युद्ध भूमि से भागना पड़ता है। शायद अंतिम निर्णय मेरे वश में नहीं, समय के वश में है और हर बार उसी समय की प्रतीक्षा में लग जाता हूँ।
संघर्ष में एक तीक्ष्ण प्रवाह है, एक तीव्र प्रेरणा है और समर्पण में एक धीमा आकर्षण। जब संघर्ष का प्रवाह काम हो जाता है और थमने की स्थिति आ जाती है तो समर्पण आकर्षित करने लगता है और संघर्ष के तीक्ष्ण प्रवाह में समर्पण बंधन लगने लगता है।
-१५ अक्टूबर २०००
मन बड़ा चंचल है, जब ये बंधन में होता है तो उन्मुक्त होने का प्रयास करने लगता है और जब मुक्त होता है तो अपने आप को कहीं बाँधने का प्रयास करता है।
-१५ अक्टूबर २०००
भाव-शून्यता की स्थिति दो प्रकार से हो सकती है। एक, जब मन सभी और से उदासीन हो गया हो और दूसरी, जब मन सभी तरफ से सामान रूप से आकर्षित हो रहा हो।
-१६ अक्टूबर २०००
मन माँ है और परिस्थितियां जनक (पिता), जिनके संसर्ग से विचार जन्म लेते हैं और विचारों का आकार-प्रकार इन दोनों से प्रभावित होता है।
-२८ अक्टूबर २०००
उदर-पिपासा (भूख और प्यास), काम-पिपासा (वासना) और ज्ञान-पिपासा, ये तीनो एक चक्र में चलते रहते हैं। जब उदर-पिपासा शांत होती है तो काम-पिपासा विचलित करने लगती है। जब ये दोनों शांत होती हैं तो ज्ञान-पिपासा विचलित करने लगती है।
३० अक्टूबर २०००
स्त्री के पास दो अचूक हथियार होते हैं – एक उसका सौंदर्य (आकर्षण) और दूसरा उसके आंसू…
-३१ दिसंबर २०००

 

 

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